literature

Reminiscence

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Literature Text

Reminiscence


I'm surprised you actually came here brother. I thought you wanted to forget about me and never see my face again... so, I threatened to kill myself if you wouldn't come, I even refused food from then on. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, but you came, after all. No, I was... definitely not going to blame you for anything. You wonder why I called for you then if not to snarl at you and tell how much I hate you? ... No, I just wanted you to listen to your crazy little sister for a while.

Prison is such a lonely place and I didn't want to go numb. The guards never talk to me; they just come and do their duty and leave. I can almost feel their trembling, feel their fear... and disgust. Even you, my brother, can't bear to look me in the eye.

Having no one but myself forced me to think, forced me to look back, forced me to question why I am here and how I ended up this way. I rolled the past up and down. Every detail and event in my entire life. Over, and over, and over again. Every day, night, whatever; I can't tell anymore anyway. And-and, no matter how much tried, no matter how badly I wanted to put the blame on everyone else... something never seemed right with that... until I realized the simple and painful truth. The one to blame, the one responsible for all my misery and pain... it is I...

What? You don't believe me? You don't think I'm sorry? ... It's fine. I can't be trusted. When did I ever tell you the truth anyway? ... But, believe me or not, back in Ba Sing Se, I realized I kinda missed having you around for some reason... you know the rest. Interpret that something whatever way you like...

But what does that mean in a lifetime of evil? Nothing, I deserve to die... No, in fact, I don't. I deserve to live here, chained up and caged like the monster I am... Yes, mother was right, I am a monster. Normal people don't do the things I've done, they simply don't.

Don't even get me started on Mai and Ty Lee...

Why all this rambling? Why did I steal your precious time? As if you didn't know most of these thing anyway. I... I called you because I have a wish, so please listen: I... I want... I want you. I want you to come here sometimes, it doesn't have to be often. Maybe on my birthday, or IF... you ever think of me, perhaps. I just... I just want to see your face and hear your voice. You don't have to forgive me: condemn me, yell at me, throw all the rage and poison you got for me, I just want to hear it's sound. I want someone to care for me, at least in some way; and me to care back. I just want to experience a tiny glimpse of what this love thing is that made you so strong before I die. Fulfill me that wish brother and I will be thankful for all eternity; I will whisper your name when I cross to the other side. You know my destiny is hell but please, please be my small beam of light in this place of darkness. I wont ask for anything else, ever. What say you?

....

Zuko? Brother? My Lord? ... What is your answer? ... Why wont you say a thing? ... ANSWER ME! PLEASE! Just this one wish... I'M BEGGING YOU! PLEASE! I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH DEEPER I CAN BOW DOWN TO YOU TO NOTICE ME! PLEASE! SAY SOMETHING! BY ALL THAT'S SAINT TO YOU, PLEASE! ... ZUKO! BROTHER! MY LORD! ... WHY MUST YOU PUNISH ME EVEN MORE! ... I got no one but you, don't deny me that... am I not your little sister... am I not the one you used to play with in the garden and in the mud... didn't we catch turtleducks together... is that really so far in the past that you don't remember... do you really hate me so much that you don't want to fulfill me just this one wish? ...

Brother... brother... I'm so so sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry brother... I'm sorry...

---

And she kept calling his name and repeating her words as she curled up in the corner and wept bitterly, not realizing that the person she longed for the most was long gone. In fact, he wasn't there in the first place.
Maybe I'll do a similar thing with Zuko thinking back about her while he ventures to the prison after receiving the message... he's being late ;)
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darthhavok's avatar
I read this and thought......holy $#&* that was incredibly powerful.